Planet of the Grapes

153 East 53rd Street

The Citigroup Center building is the one that we used to joke about skiing down as kids because of its angled top. Clearly, you’d have to have some kind of hang glider, as you would fly off the side and still have about fifty stories between you and the street. Clearly, we had active imaginations as children and did not think things through. Some say that never changed. Granted, but the people who designed this bathroom did not think things through and have no imagination; at least we have one of those things. And what is the most glaring example of lazy thinking that one can find in a public bathroom? Say it with us, kids: those small ugly grey square tiles. At this location they are–wait for it–not only on the floors but also on parts of the walls. The audacity is astounding. The baby changing station is too dirty for a mid-range hooker. Look, we know most babies can’t read, but Barnes and Noble really has to be more considerate than that. The visitor is greeted by janitorial equipment; we didn’t know we were expected to clean. The hand motion sink faucets are quite difficult to negotiate, and as we stood there waving our hands under them, trying to make the water run, for a brief moment we knew what it must feel like to be panhandling for spare change on a train car when no one has anything to give. It turns out that one did not work at all. There was graffiti on the dryer, but at least it was a Dostoevsky quote. Perhaps Barnes and Noble thinks that people who are into books don’t care about bathrooms since they’re all absent-minded and in their own heads too much to notice things in the real world, like good bathrooms. Here’s the rub, Barnes: some of us do.

Rating: 4.5