754 Fifth Avenue & 58th Street

Following a tip from an old friend and collaborator, we visited Bergdorf Goodman’s upstairs restroom, the alleged site of many a “discreet Senatorial fellatio session, not from the wife,” as an intelligent person who loathes efficient speech might say. Yes, the sophisticated clientele of such a store apparently takes advantage of a sales staff so petrified of upsetting them that if it were any worse, they could pull a fur coat right off the rack, put it on, and saunter out while being thanked. So why shouldn’t this state of affairs garner, among other things, affairs?

As we sadly, needlessly encounter too often, the restroom doesn’t quite live up to the rest of the store. Being that the store is so swank, though, it still follows that overall the restroom is good. There is something dark about the lighting, but given the present discussion, perhaps that is not accidental. The stalls tell no secrets, as they are lined up perpendicular to said wall, offering not much privacy for non-excretory functions. Apparently what starts in the Bergdorf Goodman bathroom is supposed to stay there, so don’t visit unless you can uphold this unsaid code, or contrastly are a member of the paparazzi looking to break it.

Rating: 7

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