1 East 57th Street

Okay, first things first- the pattern on the bags is ugly, and all that owning one proves is that you have something to prove. We don’t know who’s worse- the idiot willing to spend $585 on a wallet or the idiot willing to buy a cheap imitation on Canal Street just to try and trick people into thinking they spent $585 on a wallet. Come on, you’re not fooling anyone- if you cannot afford to take cabs instead of the subway, you cannot afford that wallet. You do, however, sheepishly submit to one of the worst aspects of American culture, and for that, we kindly ask that you outfit a casket with the Louis Vuitton patterns you love so much, get into it, and close it.

Now that we lost the model vote, among others, let us review the store’s facilities. After all, you don’t have to buy anything to relieve yourself in a retail store, and for this reason it sometimes feels even better to do so in an establishment you don’t particularly endorse. It’s a subtle flip of the proverbial bird. Being the true aesthetes that we are, we could of course appreciate the merits of this 4th floor restroom, far from the maddening crowds. The restroom could be called a “glorified oner”- though not a private bathroom, its size prevents large rushes of people, like a beautiful girl who dates with extreme caution. You may have to wait outside during such a rush, but once it’s your turn, the deep marble and browns make you feel like you are inside one of the bags- and we almost mean that in a good way. The low lighting works because of the bathroom’s cleanliness and crisp modern touches (long-necked sink faucets, frosted stall doors). The locks on the stall doors, however, give more problems then they should. We may never buy anything here, but we have nothing against patronizing the “sales associates” (or whatever the hell they’re called these days) as we make our way to the restroom in order to add some more waste to their store.

Rating: 7

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