34th Street and 7th Avenue

Those of you who are familiar with the relatively new mythology of “McDonaldland” will recognize the large oafish being we know as Grimace. Grimace is purple (he is, despite rumors to the contrary, a plum. Listen to POTG Radio). The floor tiling in this bathroom is purple. Coincidence? Perhaps not, considering his fallout with Ronald. Are we made to think that we are, in fact, walking all over Grimace? If we are, Grimace needs to clean up his act.

When we visited these floors seemed to possess that mysterious quality that prevents certain bathroom floors from ever feeling one hundred percent dry. This state of perpetual wetness is encouraged in certain places–like, um, rainforests–but not, of course, on bathroom floors. Each facility is a oner (one person at a time, people, unless it’s after midnight), but the men’s room is what’s known as a “King’s Oner”-it has a toilet AND a urinal. (a “Queen’s Oner” would include a bidet, or a guy who loves dance music and hair gel, depending on which borough you’re in). Options are always nice, like being able to replace the Number Two Value Meal with a Number 4 Value Meal, or better yet, something your body chemistry actually recognizes. If you do need to use the bathroom after consuming said value meals, at least they’re functional, but since this is McDonald’s after all, service is not four stars. Case in point- we found cleaning agents left on the sink, as if to say, “maybe you can do a better job at this than we did.” The walls are grey like the meat before it’s dyed, the lighting, though bright, seems to want you to leave quickly. Maybe they don’t want you to realize the crap you flush down the toilet goes right back into the kitchen.

Rating: 3.5

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