Planet of the Grapes

A friend for many years, Bill lets his guard down on POTG Radio: He speaks in his real voice (high-pitched), and shares ludicrous ideas like negative money.

Birdbest is one of Birdman’s illegitimate children, a black bird that makes a living giving eulogies for people he doesn’t know. Like his father, he has led a colorful and eventful life, and he loves giving his own opinion.

Another of Birdman’s creations, Birdbunch is a hideously deformed bundle of conjoined septuplets that share between them few brains and fewer mouths.

With his shrill voice, helmet made of teeth, and equal loves of cheese and indiscriminate sexual encounters (sometimes both at the same time), Birdman is a colorful character even among POTG Radio callers and guests. He is a six foot tall, upright walking, humanoid bird who wants to fly to the sun but never makes it past the atmosphere. A perpetual thorn in POTG Radio’s side, he is always trying to one-up the POTG Radio hosts.

Boy Man is a 42 year old man who still has a toddler’s head and face. Thus, he never had to quit his first job, being a toddler model (only now, he can only be photographed from the neck up). He is rivals with “Brian,” a 4 year old boy genius.

A piece of a highway can now grace the callers’ list of POTG Radio. BQEesha is the voice for a section of New York’s Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. She’s worked on a lot and looking for some good loving.

JC Superstar’s mother, she tried to steal the Crown Jewels of England. She “fell on them” and they got lodged in her heart. The result is that she survived but became royal because of their power. She now believes she is something between British royalty and a Southern plantation owner’s daughter. Either way, she’s difficult to date.

Clyde is the unfortunate victim of Quailburglar’s favorite pastime, Ski Wars. In this “game,” players put gunpowder on clowns, thus making them explosive, and then throw the clowns at each other whilst skiing down mountains. It is not fun for the clown. Clyde is getting along the best he can after Quailburglar used him against his will in a brutal game in the Swiss Alps.

Known also as the “Ice Cream Messiah,” Cream Christ is a man made of ice cream. He has to stay in a special chamber to keep cool as he travels, and his appearance often frightens his customers. Cream Christ owns the chain of Cream Christ ice cream stores, offering the basic three flavors: vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. Once a rival of Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man, the two have joined forces in their support for JC Superstar’s campaign to become Ruler of United Scandinavia.

A talker since birth, you will always hear Deaze Beans on POTG Radio because he is one of the three hosts. When he was 4 years old he joined the Poison fan club, but when he was mistakenly sent “Mozart funglasses” instead of a Bret Michaels poster, decided to go into radio. Temporarily sidetracked in an accident during the fleeting scooter fad of the late ’90s, Deaze Beans renewed his contract with POTG Radio for the next 127,987 months.