Planet of the Grapes

Always calling as a pair, the brothers tell POTG Radio what it was like to “act” in video games and now spend their time trying to avoid unsavory situations, like Luigi’s mix-up with a prostitute in Vegas.

Mickey modeled on boxes of H-O Farina as a youth. Now in his teens, he is trying to avoid the bad influences of Gonzo and Responsible Yet Promiscuous Buffalo Man as well as take on his rival, the pompous Quaker Oats Man.

“I’m a mole…man!” is about as witty as he gets. He loves giving advice and is running for a seat as “Ruler of United Scandinavia.” When Fozzy the Bear was on the show, he claimed to be Mole Man, but was actually suffering from multiple personality disorder…please don’t call it schizophrenia, that’s not accurate.

When POTG Radio was off the air in the early 2000s, Newton Folds bought the domain name and tried to keep the radio show alive with a bad walkman and some cassette tapes. He may or may not have Jessica Simpson stapled to his wall, but definitely has “posters of the cosmos.” He had started his own show, “Newton Folds Radio,” which promptly folded. Now he simply offers a service where he alerts people when POTG Radio is talking about them.

Though a cow, he is actually male, and a star Brazilian soccer player. His many udders produce many things, such as perfect SAT scores, diet tips, and, conveniently, bicycle kicks.

When the millennium hit, this former henchman for Ronald decided to change the subjects of his burglarizing from hamburgers to quail. He enjoys stealing quail in Norway especially, as well as conducting “ski wars”: putting gun powder on clowns, thus making them explosive, and then throwing them at friends as they ski down the Alps. He has a limited capacity for loyalty and metaphor.

The Quaker Oats Man is known for his buckled shoes, arrogant demeanor, and hair made of oatmeal. He despises more processed hot cereals such as cream of wheat (a.k.a. farina) and grits.

Called R.Y.P. Buffalo Man for short, this caller’s original claim to fame is being a character on pre-loaded templates for “Adult Lite Brites.”

Also known as “The Simmons du Richarde,” he is the health guru who checks in with POTG Radio, along with Slim Goodbody. He and Slim grew up poor together in Romania and have a bond. His “Scarf Workout” involves exercising nude with a fiber rich scarf around your neck to work up a sweat, then eating the scarf.

The man who considers the entire continental U.S. his route is large and lovable, especially considering his red cape and matching red baseball cap. Rodney prides himself on creating new and abstract flavors such as “corner” flavored ice cream. The grand masterpiece he continues to work on is the flavor “love for all mankind.” He can be seen driving on major highways as he blasts rock music, cavorting with truckers, and bringing joy to towns across America.