Planet of the Grapes

T.T, the official Thanksgiving turkey of 2007, calls. It turns out he’s getting his kicks in before getting eaten and is in bed with a celebrity who’s a favorite of the tabloids. The Harlem River calls to combat the fact that the East River was on last episode and is friends with T.T.

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The Harlem River’s impersonations of other famous POTG Radio callers provokes the one and only Ronald to call. This in turn gets the Burger King to call for he first time ever. It turns out he’s in Australia and is friends with Godzilla, who is originally Australian. Pretty soon it’s an almost all-Australian panel as a representative from the Australian Union of Falcons calls, along with Nunchuck the kangaroo. Godzilla becomes bloodthirsty for Ronald.

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Ice cream mogul/man made out of ice cream, Cream Christ, calls. He apparently has discovered a certain substance, and has procured Luigi of Mario Bros. fame to help change his image. Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man and JC Superstar call to try to intervene with Cream Christ’s new hobby. They all work together on JC’s bid to win the election for “Ruler of United Scandinavia.” Then we hear from Mario, Luigi’s blow-up doll, and the woman the blow-up doll was modeled after.

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Teriyaki Boy, owner of a chain of NYC Japanese fast food restaurants, is called in response to one of the POTG Radio hosts having been sick from the food recently. Apparently, Teriyaki Boy knows New York’s own East River, who tries to be civil at first but can’t resist being filthy and controversial. Teriyaki Boy also apparently dated Paris Hilton, who calls.

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Adding to the fray with the East River and Teriyaki Boy, TV icons Arnold and Webster call to debate Teriyaki Boy’s claim that he is immortal. They believe only they are immortal. The US Coast Guard is called in, and plans hatch to bring some of the East River’s water to Egypt, now run by Elton John.

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Jezlude, lead singer of extreme band, GWAR, calls to offer his services to write a POTG Radio jingle and complain about how two of his rivals from old battle of the bands at state fairs were recently on the show. This prompts said rivals, Gib from the band Gardening in Biodomes and Joe from Gardening in Possible Biodomes, to call and have it out.

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Gimnael, motorcycle-riding, peyote-loving brother of Grimace, shows up in the studio unannounced. He tells stories of Mexican brothels and his time with the Leaf People of Panama.

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(Someone claiming to be) Tiffany Amber Thiessen calls with a peculiar problem: she cannot see herself. A club DJ calls to offer his aid, revealing in the process his more interesting assistant, a man known as Earthquake, who has been reincarnated many times since Mohammed founded Islam. Gandhi calls. Apparently he has a history with Earthquake.

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Bill Cosby wants a eulogy while he is still alive, and he’s courting master eulogist Birdbest to do it. He’s not winning favor with Birdbest though, since Cosby has re-wired Birdbests’s TiVo to always play the Cosby Show and has an army of Demi Moore clones re-wiring Birdbest’s house. Bill Clinton is called because Cosby is jealous of POTG Radio’s “other Bill.”

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With the phone lines clear of all except Bill Clinton, Birdbest’s deadbeat father and resident of Egypt, Birdman, calls to pick the ex-president’s brain about womanizing. He can’t seem to get Cleopatra’s Ghost in bed. In the conversation, Birdman reveals that he now shares his apartment (inside the great Sphinx), with a certain refrigerator who has been holding the Anti-Horse’s heart hostage. The Anti-Horse calls to finally settle the score.

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