Planet of the Grapes

Yahdderman is sick, so Pelican Pecorino calls, claiming his pecorino beak has healing qualities. Pecorino Patience, a pagan god, calls, claiming he is responsible for the beak’s powers. Currently attached to him is Quailburglar, who wanted some of that power for himself and is also Pelican Pecorino’s father. Gimnael is called to attest to the healing powers of the beak.

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Zeus is called to assess Pecorino Patience’s power as a pagan god. Then Kid Gicarus, who interned for Pecorino Patience, calls. Pecorino Patience is scared that if Quailburglar tries to mate with him, there will be catastrophic consequences. Earth Man, the two-mouthed by-product of the fact that Zeus touched Pecorino Patience, calls.

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“Young David Hasselhoff” calls, claiming he is a version of the entertainer in the past. Then his mother calls to specify what he means. She has spent time in the lab of Dr. Bozo, a clown/doctor who calls to reveal the bigotry that clowns face.

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Following his discussion of clown segregation, President Andrew Jackson begins detailing his open parties at the White House. It turns out that somehow David Hasselhoff’s mother used to attend and that Andrew, along with his friends Rumpelstiltskin and Gorilla Boy, had a bet to see who could sleep with her first. The winner’s face would be on the one million dollar treasury bill.

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Teddy Roosevelt and his butler, Teddy Ruxpin, had been on and wanting to talk about conservation and birds. This prompted Bird Best, one of Birdman’s illegitimate sons, to call. He squabbles with Teddy and Teddy about birds and then speaks about his practice of giving eulogies for people he didn’t know.

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With ice cream mogul Cream Christ still on the phone (after debating with Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man), Elvis Presley calls. His manager, The Colonel, joins. Both are calling while riding large gold birds.

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Mole Man gets off and health guru Slim Goodbody is called to add his advice, as CJ’s situation has become more of a medical one.

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A third caller seeks advice from Mole Man and JC Superstar amidst their “advice face-off.” The caller, CJ, has stolen and then became impaled on the crown jewels of England.

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POTG Radio brings to its studios the colorful character who considers the entire continental U.S. his ice cream route and has the widest and most unique roster of flavors ever known.

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The mascot representing an age-old rite of the Roman Catholic Mass calls, revealing anything and anyone can be bought.

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