Planet of the Grapes

Richard Simmons’ Shorts and the Laces (on the shorts) call from the Philippines. Part of the Stain (that used to be on the shorts) also calls, in the process revealing how they came to be: they are the result of a splash from a “mayonnaise lobotomy” that Richard Simmons had administered in the past. Then the man himself calls to start explaining what that means…

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While the hosts are talking to Richard Simmons, his Shorts, Laces on the shorts, and the Stain, fast food mogul Teriyaki Boy calls. Then a Wizard (walrus/lizard) calls, as does Michael Jordan, Mr. Wizard (an actual wizard), and pro wrestler Gorilla Gross.

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An old character, LSD, wafts into the airwaves and, as usual, changes everyone into their alternate personalities. First, the hosts become strippers, and then, Michael Jordan becomes Barbara Streisand, who falls in love with Gorilla Gross, who now sees himself in a new light and instantly softens to become “Gorilla Grace.” Elton John calls, and Grimace calls to marry Michael/Barbara and Gorilla Grace.

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Yotesh is the herder who guards the Essence of Italy, currently residing in a mountain in Albania. The Goat God calls to keep Yotesh in check, and then the Essence of Italy gets on the phone to speak for himself.

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Barrabbas McQuesinought, lawyer for both Barney the dinosaur and several Chicken MgNuggets, calls to get his clients on the phone. Two McNuggets, Duane Read and Ninja, call. They reveal that if you flip them over they have different names and personalities; they become Maccabee and Walnut McDermott, respectively. They then all discuss how Barney has a marsupial-like pouch where he incubates McNuggets.

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Old friend Richard Simmons calls to reveal his colorful new clothing line, which includes snakeskin panties- which he’s currently wearing. His friend, fashion designer Don Kong (formerly Donkey Kong), calls to add his two cents as they also discuss their new diet suggestions for the hosts.

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The Pillsbury Dough Boy calls and quickly incurs the wrath of both Gimnael, Grimace’s motorcycle-riding brother, and Piglet, who has shed the timid persona he had on the Winnie the Pooh show and now is a bloodthirsty member of Gimnael’s gang.

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POTG Radio’s favorite old president, Teddy Roosevelt, calls and somehow gets into trying a “non-comedy” routine with host U.B. Jackson’s asexual parent, otherwise known as “Greater Organism Jackson.”

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Grover, the Muppet, reveals why he is calling from Ms. Piggy’s bed (it’s not what you think). Teddy Roosevelt stays on from the previous segment and along with Fuzzy Bear tries to explain the connection between Fozzy Bear and Roosevelt family infidelity.

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The championship round of the Ms. POTG Radio pageant begins. Goat God, who joined for Round Two, comes back to mediate as promised. The three finalists are Tiffany Amber Thiessen (who had previously revealed to POTG Radio how she cannot see herself), the gender-bending Louis/Lois Louise, and BQEesha, part of a highway in NYC. Birdman calls for Question 1.

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