Planet of the Grapes

The owner of a NYC Japanese fast-food chain, Teriyaki Boy is as dense as his white rice. He is famous for not caring about things.

Clyde is the unfortunate victim of Quailburglar’s favorite pastime, Ski Wars. In this “game,” players put gunpowder on clowns, thus making them explosive, and then throw the clowns at each other whilst skiing down mountains. It is not fun for the clown. Clyde is getting along the best he can after Quailburglar used him against his will in a brutal game in the Swiss Alps.

“Young David Hasselhoff” calls, claiming he is a version of the entertainer in the past. Then his mother calls to specify what he means. She has spent time in the lab of Dr. Bozo, a clown/doctor who calls to reveal the bigotry that clowns face.

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Following his discussion of clown segregation, President Andrew Jackson begins detailing his open parties at the White House. It turns out that somehow David Hasselhoff’s mother used to attend and that Andrew, along with his friends Rumpelstiltskin and Gorilla Boy, had a bet to see who could sleep with her first. The winner’s face would be on the one million dollar treasury bill.

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Teddy Roosevelt and his butler, Teddy Ruxpin, had been on and wanting to talk about conservation and birds. This prompted Bird Best, one of Birdman’s illegitimate sons, to call. He squabbles with Teddy and Teddy about birds and then speaks about his practice of giving eulogies for people he didn’t know.

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Of all the former Muppet Babies, it seemed that Gonzo has fared the worst. Harboring anger at both Nanny and the other Muppets for abandoning him, Gonzo continued a show business career into adulthood but does nothing to hide his bitterness when he calls POTG Radio. Also known as “The Dark Shakespeare,” He is famous for “The Gonzo Rhyme Scheme” where he occasionally adds an unrelated word to the end of his sentence just because it rhymes with the last word he said. Example: “You better get it out…TROUT!”

With ice cream mogul Cream Christ still on the phone (after debating with Rodney the Caped Ice Cream Man), Elvis Presley calls. His manager, The Colonel, joins. Both are calling while riding large gold birds.

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Mole Man gets off and health guru Slim Goodbody is called to add his advice, as CJ’s situation has become more of a medical one.

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A third caller seeks advice from Mole Man and JC Superstar amidst their “advice face-off.” The caller, CJ, has stolen and then became impaled on the crown jewels of England.

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POTG Radio brings to its studios the colorful character who considers the entire continental U.S. his ice cream route and has the widest and most unique roster of flavors ever known.

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