Planet of the Grapes

Mr. Beethoven #BadBandNames

I’m the captain of a dinner plate. We’re going down.

1) Please take a moment to evaluate your relationships. I don’t like you, and God isn’t too impressed either.

Where does that leave you? Somewhere between Worried Walrus’ summer house and truth.

2) There’s more to emoticons than meets the eye. Before you stop me,
ask yourself: why do you automatically assume you’re better than penguins?

3) Don’t be emotional. Just spread your legs and be the messiah.

4) “If you can imagine a universe, it exists.”
-Justin Bieber (is a scientist(in another universe(that Justin Bieber’s
grandmother(force-feeds her parrots(mentally), which is to say, she yells things at her parrots
(in her mind)))))

5) “Custodian” is such a better word than “janitor.” Still, using “custodian”
every chance you get won’t change the results of the Civil War. (don’t imagine
playing a flute made of scabs)!

6) Welcome to…Ughtopia! You will notice a pyramid on your right. It
is NOT where Kermit the Frog’s bones reside/I like peanuts. The trees
are made of leather, and the taxi cabs all take you to your favorite
childhood memory.

7) My dentistry skills were amazing, I was a prodigy apprenticing
under Yolence von Savoy in Vienna. The court rumors had me as the next
oral Beethoven. Now I am a ripe helmet inspector in India, with a minor
in hamburglaring. What happened?

greeeeeattttt) now I have to babysit pictures of the Muppet Babies for twelve hours and
the house I’m at only has basic cable. Cue: Suicide.

10) Maybe Powder

11) Electric beds were a bad idea. Just ask the kids of Bereavement, Incorporated.

The kid who looks like Andrew Jackson: what?

The kid who looks like Jimi Hendrix: did you mean electric blankets?

The kid who looks like you: I can teach you about Death.

12) Through not having a vision of Catholic icons, I have failed to
be considered for sainthood. To compensate, I will sponsor a field day
for young men considering the ways of the beast, meaning “centaur camp.”
I am not who you say I am.

The price of sin is being a wheelbarrow in the eternal harvest of delight,

Johans “The Reproductive Organ Donor” McJerusalem