Planet of the Grapes

Interior Detonator #BadBandNames

Blue is overrated as a favorite color.

PS Tomato Sauce and ovaries don’t mix

Leon Tolstoy #BadBandNames

Juice Unit #BadBandNames

1) I’m working on my follow up to Atlas Shrugged, entitled Prometheus Could
Care Less. Okay, not the follow up, but a follow up. It’s about a leprechaun
who cross dresses…but I never specify the gender of the leprechaun.
I know dude, right?…inSANE!!

2) The Deathwish films were underrated in Switzerland. Figures,
seeing as how the Swiss are weak (no war? what the hell?). I wonder, though,
how often the word “mountain” figures into their sexual slang.

As in… “hey babe, wanna go up the mountain?”
Goat: “can I watch?”
A male Gnome running out of a tree, his green facial mask still on: “That’s my line!”

3) Hulk Hogan and Mr. Rogers are the same species.
But no matter what you say to me, “penis” is a weak word…

4) “Rock. Paper. Scissors…
shoot me in the face with an elephant rifle.”
(the above is the exact statement Jackson Pollock gave in People’s Court
when he was tried for “What Were You Thinking?”)

5) Cream Cheese sandwiches are not healthy. However, explosion sandwiches are.
And now, class, close your books. This is a pop quiz on the atomic structure of bear ejaculate.

6) “Classless.” That’s what the newspaper, Babies, Daily said about my use of the word
“skillz” in my application to run for President of a local grocery store.

7) The Karate Kid films tell the story of War And Peace backwards…
There goes another kid who’s confused about Fat Albert’s sexuality.

Leon) Tolstoy never had an easy break. He never got that green cape for Christmas…
the one that would turn him into a house so that he didn’t have to be in the circus anymore.
AT LEAST he got the bath towel that always tell you exactly how many people are currently at the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem.

9) Pasteurization is an oft-misunderstood process. Did you know that tiny caterpillars wearing miner’s hats actually vacuum all of the bad stuff out of the milk? It’s truth. And yet….clams.

10) It’s always Zero o’clock.

11) Mechanical popcorn….mmmmitochondria! (exist)

12) Coyotes have settled down to become investment bankers. They enjoy starched white shirts,
early evening cocktails when not at the office, and frequently reminding me that STUN Lists
have “failed to make a sizable indentation in the Chinese market.” Whatever you say, coyotes…
I can’t tell you apart.

Love is only a foot massage away,
Dustin “Grapewrath Unlimited” Kilzenberry