Planet of the Grapes

Do it wise.

PS In 25,000 years my skeleton and your skeleton will be inseparable.

Goatswing   #BadBandNames

1) My electric flute is not plugged in. Electricity and flying don’t mix. Ohhh, that’s what I smell…
burning leather  helmets. Next week, have the minor scale prepared. I know it’s your
second lesson, but you will be headlining at my funeral. So Practice!

2) Somehow I went on a date with three leaves named The Uranium Sisters. They said they wanted to make love after only having one pear juice and vodka each, but I did not know how to make love to leaves…only fuck them. (Thank you Robert deNiro, for all you’ve done.)


3) You are just an ocean of blood in a tiny droplet of sins.


4) I’ve been researching the history of research.

The first “research” mentioned is hereby assigned the variable “Frog”
The second, inner “research” will be assigned the variable “Toad.”


Every moment I live is irony.



5)

hair’s the sunshine
let the daydreams in (equip me for the fall)
wheelbarrows always remain almost funny/slash
I suck at haikus


6) I am a Professor of Truth:
IF LaTruce is white
THEN the Atlantic Ocean is now 2% Minotaur blood
BUT CONVERSELY you are a somewhat attractive lesbian.

7/11) And now, a selection from this month’s Book of the Weak, War and Peace:
“…I was fishing with my uncle. We were fishing in the River Styx. I caught a damned soul. We threw it back, because, you know, I was horny. Anyway, I like limes better than lemons. That’s when I realized I was different from the other boys. That and the scales…”

Tolstoy sucks!

Capitalism) When the cups run out at the convenience store, don’t just stand there, buy stamps and sell them for 20 cents extra!

A bloody Tony the Tiger: “Now we’re talking! De-fense! De-fense!”

9) Bottles and bottles of blood. This is what we found in your
refrigerator. Your refrigerator called us at 11:42 pm. If you had the
appropriate Dr. Dre magnet on your refrigerator, he wouldn’t be such a
traitor.


10) A jetpack that runs on Gnomes’ nightmares.


11) The Magenta Asylum is where myself and Albert Einstein switched genitalia. And you know what? Personality is contained in the genitalia more than you’d think. Thus, this is the first quasi-Einsteinian STUN, as opposed to the upcoming Italian-American atomic bomb. When we drop it over Macy’s, our doctor will simultaneously be ejaculating in Beirut.

PS: The Age of Agrarius (Farming) officially ended when Gossip Girl premiered.


12) I pray, daily, that you will FAIL to remember to breathe in.  But
my religion is SO WEAK!


If I were German, I would be depressed,
Kip “The Oslo Witch Doctor” McPhlooglestein

Sweatlodge #BadBandNames

I’m trying to hire Mike Tyson to play the snake in my new Garden of Eden play.