Planet of the Grapes

My watch has four hands…watch out!!!

PS No matter what you say, you’re not as smart as you think you are.

Charlie Brown Farted in the Jacuzzi #BadBandNames

1) I just competed in the Leonard Nimoy baseball championsips…which is, basically, a kite flying contest where we try to use the kites to interfere with fly balls hit in the Little League game taking place in the neighboring field. Strike 4!

2) I know a model who calls herself Gene Slimmons. I know, lame–even though in her Size 0 canasta outfit she can put any man in wrestling holds and force submission within seconds. Safety Word: THRUST!

3) “nude is not naked” shouted a panda bear as he fell off of a volcano to his death.

Emotional people need not apply.

4) Masturbating while doing yoga–in a public yoga class–is not easy…But if you pull it off without anyone noticing, does it make you more enlightened or less enlightened? Discuss(t)…

5) notice me

sighed the parakeet

after the apocalypse

(no more lunch specials)

6) Dinosaurs have revolted in my subconscious. They are upset with having been relegated to the department of ”something I used to be into.” If you could see them, they look like tired, haggard building superintendents, lumbering around my psyche. “What does real estate investing have that I don’t?” mutters the cigar-breathed Stegosaurus.

7 ) Have you ever debated the meaning of life vehemently with someone, only to simply get home and discover that, underneath it all, you were just really horny?

Octa)Gone with the Wind is my favorite book that never mentions the word “octopus.” There are less than you think. Now go start a department about it at a small liberal arts college and leave me ALONE!

9) I want to sponsor a “Me Look-a-Like Contest,” accidentally poison the contestants (“you can never trust these canned fruit punches!”) and never again have to suffer the comment, “you look JUST like this guys I saw the other day!” Ughhhh…

10) Negative Zero

11) A leaf that when held takes you the therapist of your future murderer. The therapist is a picture of chickens mating. How does this help me?

12) It was Miss Scarlet, in the jacuzzi, dying of embarrassment. She had just bet that STUN Lists would fail to be taken seriously by anthropologists from countries that export zucchini. PS: Why is it called “sociology” when it’s the study of your own culture?

The bones you own now are the Christmas ornaments of your next life,

Kreemer “Bust a Go-Go” Bravissimost

Cornflake Monopoly  #BadBandNames

Sympathy Helmet    #BadBandNames#

Jealousy Quotient #BadBandNames

Mr. Beethoven #BadBandNames