"Disinterested Hickory Face"

Download audio file (Platonic%20Prostitutes.mp3)

"Minor Steak Face"

Pigeon Prairie Face

Download audio file (Three%20Princes.mp3)

"Brookstone Pharaoh Face"

The Sheraton is no Waldorf, but it’s also no Motel 6. Throughout the country it’s relied on as a solid chain. In New York City, perhaps aware of its place among the giants, The Sheraton puts its best foot forward, like the awkward sophomore who finally got invited to a party thrown by the seniors. And if that is the case, preppy was definitely the wardrobe of choice. The bathroom’s blue wallpaper is comprised of thick, alternating light and dark stripes. This is what Ralph Lauren’s son’s childhood bedroom must have looked like. To continue with that theme, the white marble sinks sit below large mirrors housed in dark wooden frames.

The blue wallpaper only occupies the top half of the walls, the bottom half being a white brick, providing a clean contrast. So far, the effect is quite pleasant and dignified. However, the flooring uses those (quite pedestrian) hexagonal tiles. These are somewhat two-toned; most are white with some blacks thrown in for good measure (need we make an old country club joke?). Looking down at the floor thus produces a sigh of disappointment. It’s as if our aforementioned sophomore wore the right glasses, the right sweater vest, and the right khakis to the party, but put on a pair of beat up Keds–and wasn’t even ironic about it! Flourescent lighting by the stalls detracts from the warm yellows of the lights surrounding the sinks. The bathroom is only being half of what it could be (perhaps one of the parents married down?) At least the blue carpeting in the outside hallway leading to a wooden door made for a nice introduction. Perhaps the Sheraton needs a few more etiquette classes and the right company to make it a champion.

Rating: 6.5