Planet of the Grapes

After a previous conversation about doing a radio show on the sun, Birdman calls to complain that POTG Radio stole his plans to fly to the Earth’s star. After Birdman also proclaims that he loves fax machines, a Doctor Octoluvius calls up to boast about the “3D fax machines” that he invented. Nerdy POTG Radio super-fan Newton Folds also weighs in on fax machines, claiming  that there is a fax machine convention, or “FaxCon”.

From the upcoming full episode “Fax Machine Conventions”

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Mr. Beethoven #BadBandNames

I’m the captain of a dinner plate. We’re going down.

Yahdderman celebrates scoring his chariot’s license and considers Cream Christ as a candidate to pull him around. Cream Christ chimes in immediately, but his first gripe is over a competing ice cream and pizza establishment. Turns out the offending Pizza Hovel is owned by Mario’s cousin, who turns this grudge into an all-out verbal melee.

Grimace reveals to the hosts the existence of an island where Grimace’s kin can frolic and go about their daily lives is relative peace… that is until Boy Man and Macho Man Randy Savage come knocking at their door. They claim that Grimace Island is prejudiced against them by denying citizenship.

Boy Man explains the secret ulterior motives to being a part of Grimaceland, which seems to include a hybrid army of Grimacelike toddlers. Ryan Seacrest decides this would make a great reality show, and Slim Goodbody and Richard Simmons offer opposing advice for Boy Man.

Slim Goodbody describes his new fetish for traveling the world’s most dangerous roads, which also doubles as a form of cheap, mentally unstable therapy.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

1) Please take a moment to evaluate your relationships. I don’t like you, and God isn’t too impressed either.

Where does that leave you? Somewhere between Worried Walrus’ summer house and truth.

2) There’s more to emoticons than meets the eye. Before you stop me,
ask yourself: why do you automatically assume you’re better than penguins?

3) Don’t be emotional. Just spread your legs and be the messiah.

4) “If you can imagine a universe, it exists.”
-Justin Bieber (is a scientist(in another universe(that Justin Bieber’s
grandmother(force-feeds her parrots(mentally), which is to say, she yells things at her parrots
(in her mind)))))

5) “Custodian” is such a better word than “janitor.” Still, using “custodian”
every chance you get won’t change the results of the Civil War. (don’t imagine
playing a flute made of scabs)!

6) Welcome to…Ughtopia! You will notice a pyramid on your right. It
is NOT where Kermit the Frog’s bones reside/I like peanuts. The trees
are made of leather, and the taxi cabs all take you to your favorite
childhood memory.

7) My dentistry skills were amazing, I was a prodigy apprenticing
under Yolence von Savoy in Vienna. The court rumors had me as the next
oral Beethoven. Now I am a ripe helmet inspector in India, with a minor
in hamburglaring. What happened?

greeeeeattttt) now I have to babysit pictures of the Muppet Babies for twelve hours and
the house I’m at only has basic cable. Cue: Suicide.

10) Maybe Powder

11) Electric beds were a bad idea. Just ask the kids of Bereavement, Incorporated.

The kid who looks like Andrew Jackson: what?

The kid who looks like Jimi Hendrix: did you mean electric blankets?

The kid who looks like you: I can teach you about Death.

12) Through not having a vision of Catholic icons, I have failed to
be considered for sainthood. To compensate, I will sponsor a field day
for young men considering the ways of the beast, meaning “centaur camp.”
I am not who you say I am.

The price of sin is being a wheelbarrow in the eternal harvest of delight,

Johans “The Reproductive Organ Donor” McJerusalem

Slim Goodbody describes his new fetish for traveling the world’s most dangerous roads, which also doubles as a form of cheap, mentally unstable therapy.

From the forthcoming full episode “Animals are There for a Reason”

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

People running around trying to “catch” sunlight in Dixie cups. Girl next to me has cup full of moss. She’s claiming she’s won. #WeirdDreams