Planet of the Grapes

Community Orangutan #BadBandNames

Boy Man explains the secret ulterior motives to being a part of Grimaceland, which seems to include a hybrid army of Grimacelike toddlers. Ryan Seacrest decides this would make a great reality show, and Slim Goodbody and Richard Simmons offer opposing advice for Boy Man.

From the upcoming full episode “Animals Are There for a Reason”

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Pig Fetus Moment #BadBandNames

81st Street and Columbus Ave

On any construction site, you will encounter an outhouse and walk no closer than five feet in front of it before deciding instead to look for a Starbucks bathroom. Not us. We dive head first… not literally. This deluxe Mr. John outhouse presents itself in the same way a car dealership spreads out its luxury line for unsuspecting victims of carnivorous salesmen. We encountered this facility next to a circle of cones surrounding a cement block with a biscuit stuck in it. Peculiar, but we were near a museum…

Roomy enough for five people to have a forced discussion about wood paneling, the bathroom is (ironically) made out of plastic. The bright blue walls are translucent enough to let natural light in without letting natural shame out. The toilet area has a nice form and shape, and a handrail is available for handicapped people. A hand sanitizer dispenser lets you clean your hands without the need for water. Though we found some toilet paper and “misfirings” at the foot of the toilet, outhouses are not traditionally tended to on a regular basis (much like the emotional needs of wealthy children).

The bottom line? You can dress it up, but you can’t take it out. The form and function still doesn’t make up for the fact that an outhouse is an outhouse, and if you live in New York City you will most likely hold it in until you get to the next facility, which still might be worse than this one anyway. But there is no denying this is a better outhouse than most. Thank you, Mr. John. You have helped bridge the gap between outhouse and proper restroom.

Rating: 5

There is a certain poetry to the way poundcake feels between your ass cheeks.

PS Most Harley Davidson owners don’t “get” stuff like “this”

Grimace reveals to the hosts the existence of an island where Grimace’s kin can frolic and go about their daily lives is relative peace… that is until Boy Man and Macho Man Randy Savage come knocking at their door. They claim that Grimace Island is prejudiced against them by denying citizenship.

From the upcoming full episode “Animals Are There for a Reason”

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Whom or Womb? #BadBandNames

Jonas Bros argue with me re: gardening. I live in a mansion, they’re possibly hired help. Viking raids an understood threat. #WeirdDreams