And now, onward and upward from the Macy’s basement to the 7th floor. Whereas the color palette in the basement brought band-aids to mind, here we have that very strange combination of orange and brown. Orange and brown can work in a weird way, beautiful and ugly at the same time, a swan with fangs. Or perhaps a dove with claws. How about a hummingbird with PMS? Sorry. The orange wall tiles aren’t even that orange, so maybe we were exaggerating to waste space…it’s the holidays and we want to get to the islands already! Anyway, the stalls are a light brown that call to mind an oft-referenced mode in our bathroom observation: 1970s municipal architecture. When will it die? To make matters worse, they are made out of a light, plastic-y material. If you ran into them you may well knock them over. Isn’t that something they do in the Midwest? Functionally, the designers made the mistake of making the walkway between sink and stall too narrow. Since the stall doors open outward, you may get backsided by one while washing your hands if you’re not careful. Big points off for that; you should always feel like you can take your time washing your hands. It’s what separates us from the animals. After quickly washing up you’ll rush to the paper towel dispenser only to find it is, in fact, dirty. Tisk tisk. Maybe you should stick to the basement. That orange tiling ain’t bad, though.

Rating: 5

Being that Barnes and Noble is a haven for knowledge and learning, a place one can go to to edify oneself through the written word (regardless of purchase, thankfully, as their attempt to perpetuate a ”lax vibe” results in many using it as a reading room), you may expect that it would house a stately, dare we say ”noble” restroom facility. On the other hand, being that Barnes and Noble is a large chain and must pander to the middle, must play things safely and not upset anyone, one can also reason that perhaps its restrooms will lack any distinctive character or charm. Surely, the very fact that it is a book store gives it some leverage, even as a chain, positioning it to rise above the sick green tides of the great unwashed masses.

So which aspect wins- purveyor of man’s intellect and achievements, or servant of the public’s (seemingly daily) lowering of standards? Unfortunately, the latter. The bland colors, oppressive lighting, and sinks that seem to just ”be there” all contribute to a positively bland and utilitarian exercise in restroom design. The foreboding partitions that form the walls of the stalls serve to make them look less like stalls and more like large coffins. Only the clean mirrors, reminiscent of a Buddhist monk amidst meditation, serve to bring some dignity to the environment.

Rating: 5