Planet of the Grapes

1) My electric flute is not plugged in. Electricity and flying don’t mix. Ohhh, that’s what I smell… burning leather  helmets. Next week, have the minor scale prepared. I know it’s your second lesson, but you will be headlining at my funeral. So Practice! 2) Somehow I went on a date with three leaves named [...]

There is a certain poetry to the way poundcake feels between your ass cheeks. PS Most Harley Davidson owners don’t “get” stuff like “this”

1) I’m taking my Paris equivalency test. I want to see how many bars from the Eiffel Tower correspond with patterns in my DNA. Some French guy told me that the “D” in my DNA stands for denial, and the people at Fox News won’t return my calls because it’s “so obvious” that I was [...]