Planet of the Grapes

1) It’s time to disembark on a dis-im-bowelulation. This is the technical term for what Freddy Krueger does with his clawed hand to some overly sexual girl in the 37th installment of “A Nightmare on Madison Avenue”-and that’s exactly what it was, for no one knew how to market it. You HAVE to start grassroots movements [...]

1) I’m taking my Paris equivalency test. I want to see how many bars from the Eiffel Tower correspond with patterns in my DNA. Some French guy told me that the “D” in my DNA stands for denial, and the people at Fox News won’t return my calls because it’s “so obvious” that I was [...]