The infamous tag-team duo Taco Bell and Pizza Hut (Known as “The Bacteria Brothers” in the WWE) has staked its claim on the 14th Street western strip. This strip west of Union Square is home to cheap stores and cheaper eats, where shopping is conducted out of dire necessity. As Union Square unofficially presents itself as the forum for the young, artistic and broke, these chains do quite well for themselves. And although many of them require that you purchase something in their establishments, most do not enforce this rule. One could walk into their bathroom at any time without buying a thing.

In the case of the 14th Street Taco Bell/Pizza Hut bathroom, you may not buy anything but you will certainly pay for it. The door’s banana-carcinogen color may fool you into thinking you’re entering a safe place. The inside doorknob hangs from its own hinges and prevents you from locking it. The walls are made of the same cheap brushed metal as the airplane-style sink and covered in filth and graffiti. Under the sink, a red pail catches the leakings from the sink pipe. The floor is wet and littered with toilet paper, as is the toilet. Ironically, you won’t find any toilet paper in its dispenser. It’s like walking into a restaurant starving and seeing everyone eating great food, only to be told that the kitchen has just closed. Two soap dispensers offer the same option: no soap or no soap. If you haven’t run screaming yet, do NOT look up. A square hole has been cut out in the ceiling, perfect for storing a camera. Would we have tried to be funnier in this review, but these facts speak for themselves. Be warned: using this bathroom may put your image on a kinky bathroom porn site, and it currently bears the distinction of our lowest rating to date.

Rating: 1.5