Planet of the Grapes

54th Street & 7th Avenue Eateries like Cafe Metro are a dime a dozen in the city. The food is “pretty good,” and the place is well lit and colorful. Perhaps it is reminiscent of your single uncle’s apartment. The bathroom of Cafe Metro, unlike the dining area, is not so common. Located in an [...]

504 Broadway Soho Bloomingdale’s will always live in the shadow of its older, snobbier, prettier sister, the original Bloomingdale’s on the Upper East Side. At least the one in Soho is, well, in Soho…which is good if garbage on the streets makes you feel more authentic, and you prefer cocaine to prescription drugs. While this [...]

1000 Third Avenue & 59th Street Large department stores love to utilize their basements, and the Bloomingdales “Lower Level” is no exception. In these subterranean shopping levels one usually finds clothing items for lepers, the insane, and men. Sometimes there’s even a cafe. The restroom here boasts the same type of door found on the [...]

1 East 57th Street Okay, first things first- the pattern on the bags is ugly, and all that owning one proves is that you have something to prove. We don’t know who’s worse- the idiot willing to spend $585 on a wallet or the idiot willing to buy a cheap imitation on Canal Street just [...]

50th Street and 5th Avenue Moving ever onward, we arrived at the world famous Saks 5th Avenue. Finding the restroom required an elevator ride, always a good sign in such an environ; it precludes the Old Navy riff-raff from thinking they can quickly pop in and relieve themselves (usually on the floors) without getting glared [...]

1514 Broadway & 44th St Amidst the tourist insanity of Times Square (it was nice to feel like we were outside of New York for a few moments) sits Toys “R” Us, a nightclub for children. We of course knew what we were getting into so forgave the noise, obstacle course of kids, and epileptic [...]

1535 Broadway between 45th & 46th St The Marriott Marquis is the premier spot to kill time in Times Square between appointments. It’s 7th floor lobby is accessed by a quick ride up the external elevators, which is a treat for children and heart patients alike. Upon perusing the different lounges and dining areas on [...]

754 Fifth Avenue & 58th Street Following a tip from an old friend and collaborator, we visited Bergdorf Goodman’s upstairs restroom, the alleged site of many a “discreet Senatorial fellatio session, not from the wife,” as an intelligent person who loathes efficient speech might say. Yes, the sophisticated clientele of such a store apparently takes [...]

767 Fifth Avenue & 59th Street Perpetuating much of the techno-cultural zeitgeist, we visited the Apple’s Store on 5th Avenue to see what this company can offer to the future of restroom design and function. A bit weary that we were directed underground (where the whole sales floor is) and then relegated to wade through [...]