1) I’ve been a bath boy. I thevelopeth a lisp over the letter “D”. I can only type it when it’s totally alone. Isn’t that weirth? Also, Johnny Weir is going to menstruate for all womankinth.

2) This candle, made out of the earwax of Louis the Fourteenth (NOT to be confused with Louis XIV), has ben preserved for ages using a complex system of heat, light, moisture and jokulitude. It actually became the barometer of what was funny in the years following the French Revolution. (eg., royalty, mustard, being able to understand the laws of physics).

3) Cry me a saucer. I’ve been to the center of Cote D’Ivoire twicely.

4) The presents, they are under the tree. This year for Christmas, the tree is a small lemon tree and the presents are theoretically still the property of Toys ‘R’ Us. Geoffrey the Giraffe is paying through the nose in child support.

5) Don’t talk… just go.

6) The Edison Brothers (Better known as “The Mounties” to die-hard WWF fans {NOT WWE fans, you guys fear male contact without secretly desiring it [see also "lame"]} welshingtude). Getting back to the story, the Edison Brothers went to school with Kevin Bacon’s current accountant, who is married to a collection of seaweed draped over a rock on Venice Beach.

7) He that bate the hand must have a head in the poles. The North Pole is especially tender this time of year.

Six Degrees of Organism Seperation) never went over well at parties. Neither did “Find Europe.”

9) Go (ld) fish, now I can finally develop a cyst that won’t cramp my style.

Fish: There are no wolves in the Arctic Ocean!
Vincent Price died. He wants his life back.

10) Chinawomen

11) I’m not afraid of leaves anymore. Therapy helps. But not in the way that it helps me get over my fear of leaves. It’s just that the therapy itself is so horror-inducing that every other worry in the world seems trivial. Hell, I’d jump off a cliff or kill a bear with the back of my knees before lying on that couch again.

12) I think we’ve all failed to continue the tradition of STUN. Also, I failed to really develop the character of the skeleton that shouts “TWELVE!!” I’m….. sorry?

Clearly he said,
Buy Nike

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